Lipstick Diaries Part 2 Page 8

  “Mommy was praying,” I replied making my way to the dresser drawers to retrieve some underclothes and pajamas.

  “What were you praying about, mommy?”

  “I prayed for strength, forgiveness and thanked God for my two beautiful children.”

  I had to smile when I said that. Michelle was my twin. With smooth, dark complexion, she had slanted eyes that almost made her look Asian. We both had long jet-black hair and a smile that can light up a room. Michael looks more like his father with broad shoulders and chestnut complexion. He was blessed with eyes like mine, but he still was the splitting image of his father.

  After putting on my pajamas, I got in bed with Michelle. Michelle said good night to me and was fast asleep. I held my daughter like someone threatened to take her away. Life was about two beautiful children and I knew things needed to be right for them.

  Tony never hit me in front of the children but I don’t want it to come to that and they see how daddy beats on mommy. I was back to thinking about how much I’d given up for that man. He was insecure and because I loved him I did everything in my power to make him feel like a man. It’s not like I had a problem with his profession, it was just that he couldn’t get comfortable knowing that I made more money than he did.

  When my son was born, everything changed. He said that I didn’t need to return to work because I needed to take care of his son. I remember times he made me feel so low I had to believe that what he was saying was true.

  It was now three o’clock in the morning and my husband still wasn’t home. I pray that he was okay, but I knew that he was more than okay. Everything ran through my mind and I thought about it all until my eyes could no longer stay open.

  “Why did you call her?” Tony asked.

  Still lying in bed on her back with both hands behind her head, Shalone just gazed up at the ceiling.

  “Shalone…” he called.

  “I just wanted to check on her. She’s still my sister right?”

  “Wrong,” Tony answered with more bass in his voice now. “You think she’ll want anything to do with you if she found out that you were sleeping with me?”

  Shalone lunged up in the bed looked down at Tony with disdain.

  “Do you think she’ll want to be bothered with you if she found out that you were sleeping with me?” Shalone asked.

  “I’m her husband. I pay the bills and take care of her and the kids,” Tony said in a sly tone.

  Shalone wanted to respond but she also knew that Tony had a bad temper. He was one of them, Jeckyl and Hyde type.

  “I wanted to speak to my niece and nephew,” Shalone said instead of saying what was really on her mind.

  “What part of that-is-no-longer-your-family, don’t you understand?” he asked. “Because of you my wife couldn’t pick up her children or make my dinner.”

  “Because of me…?” Shalone yelled.

  “What do I have to do with her not picking up her children?” Shalone asked.

  “She disobeyed my rules, so she paid the price.”

  Shalone looked at him with fury and worry in her eyes.

  “What did you do to my sister?” she asked.

  Tony was now the one with his hands behind his head gazing up at the ceiling. Shalone jumped off the bed and ran to the closet to get her phone so she could call her sister. Tony jumped up when he realized what she was trying to do. Tony grabbed the phone, Shalone wouldn’t let it go. They swayed back and forth fighting for the phone Shalone tripped, stepping off balance she fell forward hitting her head on the table, before falling to the floor. She let the phone go as her arms went limp.

  Tony panicked when he saw that she wasn’t getting up. He bent down and shook her. She would not get up. Tony then checked for a pulse. He felt it so he knew that she was still alive. He started smacking her face, trying to see if there was any response.

  After about a minute Shalone started to stir. She opened her eyes slowly. Shalone looked up at Tony with a quizzical expression on her face. Tony lifted her up and carried her to the bed. He gently laid her down then retreated to the kitchen and got some ice. With the ice trays in hand, he suddenly stopped.

  “Another fall on the head, what the hell am I trying to do, catch a murder charge?” he said to himself.

  How did life become so complicated? I remember when being a manager in Mc Donald’s meant a lot to me. I took pride in my job. Then I fell in love and was intimidated by the woman I loved. Instead of making things right for us, I wanted her to need me. When I felt like she hadn’t done a good job in making me feel good, I beat her. I loved the feeling that I got when she begged me. I made sure that I was all that she needed. Snapping back to reality Tony cracked the ice trays and placed the ice in a towel, before walking back.

  Shalone was on the bed, quietly trying to control the headache she now had. Tony sat on the bed and waited for Shalone so he could put ice on her head.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said caring for another bruised throbbing head. “Things got out of control and you lost your balance,” Tony explained.

  Shalone was now lying in his arms while he held the ice on her bruised head. Not knowing what to say, Shalone just looked in his eyes. How did she fall in love with her sister’s husband? She could no longer do this. Her heart was the only thing that mattered to her at one time. But she missed her sister and she knew that this man would keep her away from her.

  She knew that she was taking a risk telling her sister what was going on and may lose her anyway. That was a risk she was willing to take. All she could think about was what condition her sister was in. She knew Tony had a problem with his hands, but didn’t know that he had forbidden my sister to talk to me.

  I made sure I stayed away because I didn’t want to hear anymore good news about Angela and her success some how it always ends up being my down fall. Shalone knew this would be the last time she would be with Tony so she just laid there wishing the time would pass so she could get to her sister.

  About an hour later, Tony got up to leave. He made sure she was okay and walked out of the door. Shalone waited awhile to make sure that he was gone. Then she jumped up and ran to her phone. It was late but she had to get to her sister before this man got home. Her hands were shaking as she dialed the number. The phone rung and she waited on the other end with anticipation.

  After about four rings Angela answered.

  “Angela,” Shalone rushed to speak. “I need to meet up with you tomorrow. Please give me a call and let me know when we can meet up this is urgent so please call me.” That said, Shalone hung up the phone.

  It was all about to go down, and whether she left with her sisters love or not she knew she could no longer do this to her. Yes, she was jealous of Angela, because Angela always got whatever she wanted. This had been her way of getting back at her sister, but she fell in love with Tony. Feeling dizzy she decided to rest and wait for the storm to come. She wished Angela would understand but that was not likely.

  Tony walked into the door, looked around, and saw that everything was clean. He hoped Angela was asleep upstairs. He didn’t want to have to look at her. Tony walked up the steps to his room. When he opened the door the lights were off. He glanced at the bed and saw his daughter in the bed with his wife. He was glad, but felt so guilty he couldn’t face her after all that had taken place tonight. He walked back out the door and closed it behind him. He went down the steps and slept on the couch.

  I pretended to be asleep and hoped he didn’t hear me on the phone with Shalone. When I first heard him come in, I’d jumped back in the bed and curled up next to my daughter. When Tony walked into the room, I could feel his presence. I couldn’t hear him moving around so I didn’t know exactly where he was standing.

  Finally the door closed and I opened my eyes. I had sleep in my eyes from being awoken by the phone. I did not see him anywhere in the room. A sigh escaped and I laid back. I really didn’t know why Shalone wanted to meet,
but it sounded really urgent. I don’t know how I’m going to meet up with her but I’ll think of something.

  When morning came, I got up still sore from the beating. I went to the kids’ room and woke Michael up for school. Michelle was already up. Tony came into the room and kissed his kids good morning. I was shocked when he kissed me on my cheek and said, “Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” I said with a half-smile, thanking the Lord that this morning was not a trouble filled one.

  Once I got the kids together, I put on a robe and led them outside to wait for the schoolbus. When it pulled up, I kissed Michael and Michelle and told them to be good. I walked back inside the house, leery of my husband’s presence. I went to the kitchen and made breakfast for him.

  He showered, dressed and came downstairs for breakfast. We sat down at the table and ate in silence. I decided to break the silence.

  “Could I have some money to buy the kids some new clothes and sneakers?” I asked.

  Tony was already feeling guilty and he couldn’t look at my face.

  “Yes,” he said with his head down and continued eating.

  When he was finished, I cleared the table and started to wash the dishes. Tony got up from the table and went back upstairs. I was surprised at how cool he was about the situation and was happy he didn’t argue about me leaving the house.

  Sometimes when he was wrong he’d blame it all on me and want to fight again because he couldn’t bear looking at the bruises that he left on me. Tony came down the steps ready to walk out of the door. He put the money down on the counter and kissed me good-bye. Maybe the Lord had answered my prayers I thought. I knew it could have been only guilt.

  After cleaning up, I jumped in the shower so I could start my day. I wanted to call Shalone but decided to wait just in case this man decides to double back. Showered and now dressed, I threw my sunshades on and headed out the door. Tony had taken the car so I walked to the avenue and caught a cab.

  When I arrived at the mall I made sure my first stop was to a pay phone. I dialed Shalone’s number and waited for the phone to ring. After the third ring Shalone answered. I told her where we could meet and hung up. I walked into the mall and went into the store to do some shopping for my children while I waited for Shalone.

  Twenty-five minutes later, Shalone showed up. We greeted each other with a hug and continued in the stores doing some shopping. I was anxious for her to begin but I knew my older sister and didn’t want her to retreat into her shell.

  “What’s up? Why did you sound so worried on the phone?” I asked walking up and down the aisle of a kiddie’s store.

  Shalone was scared to reveal the truth, but knew she couldn’t turn back. She stalled and tried to make small talk asking about the children. I quickly dismissed that, telling her the children were well and asked her if she was okay. Shalone looked up at the glasses on my face.

  Going from store to store Shalone could not find the right words to say. She started by telling me that she was jealous of me as a child and couldn’t stand that I always got what I wanted. I was confused, trying to figure out where all of this was coming from.

  “Before you say anything please let me finish,” Shalone said.

  She continued telling me how she resented me for being able to establish the things that I did. I was listening but still didn’t understand where the conversation was going. Shalone stopped and took a slow breath.

  “I’m telling you all of this to let you know my state of mind.”

  “Okay,” I said paying attention.

  Shalone knew it was now or never and blurted, “I’ve been sleeping with Tony for seven months now.”

  I could not believe what I was hearing. There was weakness in my knees. This had to be a dream. This couldn’t be happening I must be getting punk’d. I looked around for cameras but there weren’t any. Shalone stepped back. It took me a little while to be able to compute what my sister had just told me.

  I smacked Shalone with such force she fell to the floor.

  “How could you do something like that to me?” I screamed. “My husband…? I don’t give a damn about your jealousy, or anything other than what you were secretly dealing with. You stoop that low to sleep with my husband to get back at me.”

  I was fuming but had no more to say. I stepped over my sister and walked out of the mall. There was pain in my heart and tears flooded my eyes. I couldn’t understand how my sister could be so cruel. I caught a cab and never looked back to see if Shalone was coming behind me.

  Siting in the cab, I thought about everything. Is that why he beat me yesterday, because he was scared she would say something? Or why the beatings started in the first place?

  My pain turned to fury, and I thought about all the things I wanted to do to the both of them. The cab pulled up in front of the house, I got out and walked quickly to the door. I dropped everything on the floor and went straight to the cupboard that held the liquor. I opened a bottle of Grey Goose, and drunk it straight out the bottle.

  Hurt and confused, I didn’t know what to do. The house phone started to ring and I knew who was on the other end. I took another shot of Goose. I had prayed for revelation, but this wasn’t what I had in mind. I felt I could’ve forgiven anything that man did, but to sleep with my sister. He had overstepped all his boundaries.

  “Fuck him!” I said.

  After all that I had done for him and the things I gave up just to make him feel like a man. The more I thought about it the more it made me mad. I had a trick for the bastard when he did roll up in this house.

  I ran up the stairs, I had to pack some clothes and take them to mother’s house. After gathering all that I needed, I walked back out the house enroute to mother’s house. When I got there, I explained what was going on to mother, and like most mothers, she was happy to help. It was almost time to get the kids off of the bus when I got back home. Today was one of the days they were scheduled to be dropped off.

  When the children arrived home I got them off the bus. Walking back to the house, Shalone pulled up in front. I didn’t want them to see anything so I sent my children inside the house. I ran over to Shalone and punched her in the face.

  “Don’t you ever show up at my house again,” I screamed.

  Shalone staggered back and covered her face.

  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Shalone said in a low voice.

  I stormed away saying, “I no longer have a sister and just forget about ever knowing me.”

  I slammed the door once I got inside and found the kids in the living room watching Sponge Bob Square Pants. I tried to calm down before the children detected something was wrong. The front door swung opened.

  “Why the hell was Shalone in front of the house?” Tony screamed.

  Fury was already flowing through my body. I stared at my husband, remembering the kids were there so I said, “Not now,” before walking away.

  “Bitch you lost your mind?” Tony asked.

  He followed behind me.

  “Not in front of my children,” I said with a fierce attitude.

  Tony grabbed me from behind, swung me around and smacked me in the face. I sent a stiff left hook to his jaw. The fight was on. Tony grabbed me by my hair and threw me against the wall. I lost my breath when my back crashed against the wall, but I couldn’t give up. I attacked Tony’s face trying to rip his eyes out of the socket. Tony punched me in my face, and that stopped my assault.

  Michael and Michelle ran in the kitchen to see what was going on. They saw their father hit their mother for the first time. It scared the both of them and they started to cry. Tony did not heed the cries of his children. He threw me to the floor. I balled myself into a fetal position.

  He walked over to the draw with all the kitchen utensils. Tony picked up a knife out the draw and walked back to where I was. I peeked from my position and saw the knife in his hand. I didn’t want the kids to see anymore so I begged them to go upstairs to their room and told them
that everything would be fine.

  Michael and Michelle kept crying. Tony got on top of me and turned me around. Raising the knife high about to stick it through my chest, I just knew it was over and wished my kids didn’t have to see their mommy leave them forever.

  “Tony, look I won’t fight you if you want me dead, but please spare your children. If you kill me you’re all that they have,” I cried.

  I was speaking from the heart. I didn’t want the kids to be witnesses to anything like this. He wouldn’t listen to what I was saying and held the knife in position. He knew I knew the truth about him and my sister but felt I still belonged to him.

  Michelle ran to my side, all the while yelling at her father trying to get him to stop. She would never leave.

  “I won’t allow it!” Tony screamed. “I won’t allow it!” Then he brought the knife down hard and fast.

  I woke up in the hospital and asked for my baby. No one wanted to tell me that my daughter died by her father’s hands. I cried every night asking the Lord why. I wish it had been me. I entered the church thinking. I just couldn’t come to grips with what I was about to do. It was taking every prayer, and every bone in my body not to jump in that coffin with my baby, my twin.

  “I have to stay strong for Michael. He has been crying every night with me. I know he’s going to need to speak to someone when he gets older. It scares me, what do you say to a child who has witnessed his father sticking a knife through his sister and his mother. At the age of seven, he has to say goodbye to the only other sibling he had. Michelle will always be a part of me and I will miss her,” I said, trying to finish the service before I broke down.

  I ran from the room and collapsed in the hall.

  “My baby…!” I screamed. “He took her from me,” I cried.

  After the burial I didn’t want to be bothered. I went home and into my kids’ room. I picked up her pillow and sniffed it. I picked up her doll and thought how I was still here without her. I thought the heart only worked as a whole. I moved on to her dresser and saw her face. I lay in her bed, I fell asleep.