Lipstick Diaries Read online

  “Its six o’clock,” I replied.

  Marie was a great co-worker and became a dear friend to me. My relationship with her was very different than what I had with Elizabeth. Marie was tall, skinny and beautiful. She never wore make-up a day in her life; she didn’t need to. She was of Black and Philippine decent and had a healthy dark complexion. I enjoyed our talks at work and out. She always seemed genuine in her gestures. Marie became my martini buddy. We had our usual spot and apple martinis with Buffalo wings. Marie and I had just polished off the usual and I decided I wanted to do some dancing.

  It was Thursday evening, six p.m. in New York City. You can go dancing anytime of the day, everyday of the week. I decided to go to a place called Jade Terrace. Marie and I caught a cab to get there. Thirty minutes later, we arrived. Traffic was horrendous but we entered the club in good spirits. I knew the night was going to be special. The music was pumping and I was feeling sexy in my maroon cocktail dress. We immediately made our way to the bar.

  We had a few more martinis. Before long I’d lost track of Marie. I turned to see her across the room talking with a handsome man. I decided to mingle and help myself to another martini. I was making my way to the bar and heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “Jus,” the male voice said.

  I knew within a second that the voice was none other than Sebastian’s. I didn’t turn around. I continued walking. I had made it this far and wasn’t going to be set back. I had no idea what’d he say. He caught up with me.

  “I’m so sorry,” he cried out feverishly. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you and to us. I never meant to hurt you and I’ve been carrying this around for so many years. Justice, it’s killing me,” he said.

  I didn’t turn around. Other club-goers noticed us. His voice was raised. Finally, I looked back at him. I could tell he meant every word he’d just said. He was wearing a black suit with gray shirt and had a fresh haircut. He seemed to be doing well for himself. I wasn’t about to ask.

  “Do you feel better?” I asked.

  “Yes,” He answered sternly.

  “Good because I don’t!”

  I turned around and walked away. I saw the pain in his eyes. We had a beautiful relationship and greed destroyed it. He’d have to live with that for the rest of his life. I continued walking and couldn’t help but smile. It had taken six years but I knew my reaction to what happened that night was the right one. There was no punishment worse than the weight of your own guilt.

  There were lessons learned that dreadful day. Most importantly not to bring your man around your female friends in such a relaxed environment like Elizabeth and me shared. You can’t help if two people are attracted to each other. They’ll do whatever they please.

  We as woman need not provide any tools or make it easier either. No matter how many times I would have thought to slap each of them in the face, I wouldn’t have felt as happy as I do right now. I never saw Elizabeth again. She’ll carry that weight around forever. Sebastian got to say he was sorry. I now had Justice and a book filled with poetic memories.

  Mended

  I shall learn

  It was not I,

  I shall be fond

  Of my innocence

  I will settle down

  And lower my voice

  Though-

  It made a sound to no one at all

  The cries

  As I sat up all night

  I would learn to love

  To trust and appreciate

  Once more

  Walls adjusted,

  But yes

  Once more!

  I’m taking with me the strength of the fight

  I’m taking it all with me

  I learned,

  I learned

  How to save my life!

  Dedicated to Fallon Brown, your honesty and continuous encouragement has contributed greatly to my inspirations…

  unfinished business

  Leah Whitney

  Simone stared at Todd in shock as her fiancé, Chris, reached into his wallet to pay for the gas he had just pumped into his brand new powder blue Lexus. Todd had been working at the station for three months now, and he suddenly seemed to be aware of his shabby appearance. He hadn’t slept a full night in weeks, and he looked slightly older than his twenty-seven years.

  “Fine, ain’t she?” Chris said to Todd as he and Simone cruised out of the gas station onto Merrick Road toward their beautiful Long Island home. Todd, still holding the gas pump, nodded awkwardly in agreement, while Simone lowered her head and began fidgeting with the car radio tuner. It had been more than a year since they last laid eyes on one another, and the strange feeling now in the pit of Todd’s stomach and the questioning look in Simone’s eyes said it all: They definitely had some unfinished business to settle.

  “You know you look good, right, baby?” Chris said massaging Simone’s thigh as they merged onto the Southern State Parkway.

  “Sure,” she replied flatly. Now he decides to give me a half-ass compliment after ignoring me all day, she thought. Normally she’d be more irritated at his lack of attentiveness, but her mind was on Todd now. Seeing him again was beginning to make her feel overwhelmed with sadness.

  Simone blinked back the tears and looked straight ahead as Chris picked up speed and switched lanes. “Turn that up for me, hon,” he said, bopping his head to the steady beat pumping from his custom-made speakers in the roof of the car.

  Todd pulled into his driveway and parked his black Chevy Tahoe. He leaned his six-foot-one-inch, dark chocolate physique back in the driver’s seat and let out a heavy sigh. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Simone since seeing her hours earlier. On the way home, he had made a detour and went to the neighborhood bar for a few drinks; he wanted to numb his thoughts, but that hadn’t worked. Simone was still heavy on his mind.

  Todd ambled up the cement steps and stuck his key in the door of the top floor apartment he rented in a two-family house in Queens. He pushed open the door and started to unbutton his dingy grey shirt. He tossed his boots and the rest of his clothing, and then jumped into the shower.

  Todd stood under the showerhead and let the hot water stream over his bald head and down his muscular back. Memories of taking showers with Simone suddenly came rushing to him, and he thought about the last time they were together.

  He remembered her perfectly toned arms and legs tightly wrapped around him. Kisses were passionate and strokes were deep. Simone sweetly moaned and called out his name until her body shook with ecstasy. He pleased her again and again until she could take no more.

  I better stop thinking about her, Todd thought while lathering his six-pack. But after only a few seconds he began daydreaming about Simone’s caramel colored skin. Thoughts of her long, jet-black hair and almond-shaped brown eyes frustrated him, not to mention the fact that there was a new man in her life now, and she looked well taken care of. But Simone always took good care of herself and still looked a lot younger than her actual age. She was nine years older than Todd, but she didn’t look a day over twenty-five.

  Todd grabbed a towel from the hook on the bathroom door and wrapped it around his waist. He walked into the kitchen and got a beer before going to the living room to turn on the TV. He plopped down heavily on the couch and picked up the remote.

  Todd lay back as he began to feel the tension leave his body. He tried to fight fatigue, flicking the same digital channels back and forth without paying attention to what was on the screen. Finally, he fell into a restless slumber with the remote still in his hand—and Simone still on his brain.

  “Ooh, Simone…ooh, yeah, baby…” Chris moaned as he quickly thrust his semi-erect penis in and out of her. The only time Simone got a glimpse of his emotions was when they had sex, which was never a big deal and always left her empty. She was really in no mood tonight, especially after he had treated her like a trophy piece earlier at his friend Steven’s backyard cookout.

  Chris was constantly trying
to impress his friends. He always pretended that he and Simone were the perfect, happy pair. That was far from the truth. Simone and Chris hardly spoke about anything these days that didn’t pertain to his future plans at the real estate firm where he worked, but whenever they went out in public he laid it on thick, like they were the happiest couple in the universe. Simone would see red. The only reason she hadn’t rocked the boat yet was because her parents adored him. Her mother always made sure to remind her of how lucky she was to have a man—especially a black man—who was doing so well. “Girl, how many more black men do you think you’re gonna find like Chris? Ya betta hold onto him. If I was just ten years younger, your father would have something to worry about. Don’t you mess up things with that man,” she’d always say.

  Chris gripped Simone’s buttocks as he prepared to relieve himself. Simone was numb, but she moved her body along with his to get it over with. Chris didn’t have a whole lot of stamina like Todd, and she was so glad for that. Being with Chris was getting to be too much of a chore lately, and she now wished she hadn’t given him her number a year ago.

  It was a Sunday morning, and Simone was doing her usual jog around the track when she noticed Chris running alongside her. She immediately became annoyed; she didn’t like being distracted when she ran. When Chris told her that the only way he would leave her alone was if she gave him her phone number, she didn’t hesitate to give up the digits. It was the only way to get rid of him.

  Things began to move quickly after their first few dates. After just three months, Chris asked Simone to move in with him. She did, and before long they were engaged. However, Simone didn’t feel fully at peace about her decision to marry him. It wasn’t that she didn’t find him attractive. Chris was a brown-skinned, well toned, six-footer with hazel eyes. He always smelled good and dressed well. He was educated and definitely a keeper—on the surface—but his selfishness and arrogance became too much to bear as the months rolled by.

  Chris could also be a real dick at times, but everyone seemed to go along with it because he had money. Simone, too, had gone along with it in the beginning, but only because she was confused and hurt after Todd had stopped calling and eventually disappeared from her life altogether. She was on the rebound. She finally admitted it now. Simone had been lying to herself all along about being in love with Chris. Todd was her true love, and here she was caught up with a man she didn’t even like.

  “Hey, baby, I’m talking to you. Put you in a trance, huh?” Chris said repeating himself as he walked out of the adjacent bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of house slippers. He approached the king-sized bed where Simone lay between the off-white sheets. He stood looking down at her now.

  “Huh?” Simone remained numb. She lay flat on her back looking up at the ceiling. The blank expression on her face wasn’t one of a woman who’d just had fulfilling sex. But Chris didn’t even consider that possibility for a second. “Oh… yeah, you do it every time. You know that,” Simone said. Chris now wore a cocksure grin. Nobody could tell him he wasn’t the shit—nobody.

  Simone woke up early the next morning. She tiptoed with her duffel bag to the bathroom so as not to wake Chris, who usually slept like a log.

  She scrubbed her five-foot-seven-inch frame with a soapy loofah as if trying to rid herself of something dirty. Then she rubbed her skin hard with an open hand as the water from the showerhead beat down on it. She started to grab the soap again, but decided against it. She needed to get going.

  Simone quickly got dressed in a white T-shirt and stretch blue jeans. She checked her sleek ponytail in the mirror and applied a little lip gloss. She took a deep sigh and threw her bag over her shoulder, only to find Chris standing before her when she opened the bathroom door, yawning and running his hand across his thick, closely cropped hair. Just my luck, she thought.

  “Hey, where you goin’?” Chris asked groggily.

  “Uh…jogging, like I do every Sunday—remember?” Simone lied. She never showered before jogging.

  “Oh, yeah. Well, have fun,” Chris said nonchalantly before turning to go downstairs to the kitchen. He worked out regularly himself, but only at the gym with his colleagues, just to be in the loop about any new business developments. Working out with Simone was one of the last things he’d ever do. There was no payoff.

  Simone felt relieved as she slowly backed out of the driveway. She glanced at the sprawling front lawn of the home she shared with Chris. It meant nothing to her. The only time she felt totally at peace lately was when she was in her bright red Honda Accord. It was her sanctuary.

  Simone heard her favorite slow jam on the radio when she turned the corner. It immediately sparked memories of Todd. How he had admired her with his sexy brown eyes. The butterflies in her stomach confirmed her decision: She had to go and see him.

  Simone pulled up to the gas station. The pumps were unattended and Todd was nowhere in sight. Simone parked and waited. Soon an attendant showed up and asked her if she needed help.

  “I’m looking for…uh…Todd Michaels,” Simone said nervously.

  “He don’t work on Sundays,” said the stocky attendant, leaning into the driver’s side window of the Honda.

  Simone paused for a moment. “Okay, well…can you please give this to him for me?” she said after reaching into her bag and retrieving a pen and a torn piece of paper. She handed him the paper with her name and cell number written on it.

  “Well, he’s not here and I am…”

  “Thank you,” Simone said ending any possible conversation with him before pulling off.

  “That’s a fine-ass piece,” the attendant said under his breath as he watched the Honda disappear down the street.

  Derek had barely gotten into his apartment good before grabbing the phone to call Todd. “Yo, man, some fine-ass chick drove into the station today looking for you,” he said into the receiver as he flopped down onto a loud, print-patterned couch. “Why you ain’t tell me you was gettin’ the honeys like that? Anyway, T, I told her you don’t work on Sundays, and she left her name and number.”

  Todd was driving home from his mother’s house in Brooklyn. He was exhausted after laying new tiles in her kitchen, and he wasn’t up for any idle chitchat, much less Derek’s bullshit. Was he talking about Simone? Todd wondered, thinking back to how awkward the few moments they shared staring at one another felt.

  “What was the name?” he asked impatiently, while turning off the radio as he exited the Belt Parkway.

  “Simone, her name is Simone. Ask her do she got a friend for me, man. Maybe we could all double-date or somethin’.”

  “How about giving me the number first, Derek?”

  Derek read off the number and continued to run his mouth. “You know you owe me, right, slick?” I mean, I don’t usually—”

  Todd pressed the button on his cell phone, ending Derek’s rambling. There was no need for him to write down Simone’s number; it was still the same and he knew it by heart. He pulled into his driveway, hoping nothing else had changed. He hopped out of his ride and strolled into his apartment, humming his favorite love song.

  Simone sat in her office at the design firm where she worked. She examined a few sketches on her desk of velour jogging suits that were scheduled for upcoming release. It was lunchtime, and she could have been out enjoying the warm summer air.

  “Girl, don’t tell me you’re still in that same position looking at those same sketches. Come on out with me and help me pick out some shoes for this jam I’m going to this weekend.”

  Simone looked up and saw her best friend and co-worker, Davina. They had both joined the company three years ago and worked their way up to marketing executive positions. Davina made her job look effortless, while Simone seemed to always be pondering her next decision.

  “Go without me, okay? I gotta decide on which logo works best for this new line,” Simone said. The frown she wore said more.

  “He still hasn’t called you, huh, sweetie?” Davina said
realizing that Simone had other things on her mind besides work.

  “Unh-uh. Who was I kidding? I’d just rolled up with Chris,” Simone said returning to the sketches, not wanting Davina to see her eyes water. It was too late.

  “Don’t worry. He’ll call. It’s only been a little over—” Davina changed the subject. “Look, girl, I basically know which shoes I want, so I’ll just go and grab the sandwich in my drawer and come back here. We’ll have lunch in your office, all right?”

  “Davina, go and get your shoes. I’m okay.”

  “But Simone, you shouldn’t be—”

  “Go…just go,” Simone said a little too harshly. She didn’t mean to, but it came out that way. She didn’t want to talk about Todd after the way he’d left her hanging. Truth be told, she was livid. The idea of spending her life with Chris didn’t seem so bad after all.

  Six weeks had passed, and Simone couldn’t believe how well she and Chris had been getting along. He was turning out to be everything she always wanted in a man. He had become less obnoxious and arrogant, and he was a whole lot more attentive to her needs. She could work with that.

  On a few occasions when Simone had thought about picking up the phone and calling Todd, she thought about how Chris had practically done a three-sixty. She felt guilty and decided against contacting Todd, even though she was really curious about how he wound up working at a gas station; she remembered him landing a good job at a bank downtown.

  “Would you like something from inside, baby? I need to take this call in the house,” Chris said to Simone before picking up his ringing cell phone. They’d each taken the day off from work to spend some time together, and they’d been lounging all morning by the pool in their spacious backyard.

  “No, sweetie, I’m fine. Handle your business,” Simone confidently replied, shifting her body in the cozy lounge chair. She was sure it was a call from his office, and she didn’t want him to miss out on any important deals.